


His Flowers

by sh0tar1s



Category: The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comedy, Crying, Friendship, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh0tar1s/pseuds/sh0tar1s
Summary: Meg notices her servant, Apollo, is quieter than usual.Oh, the flowers in his hands explain why.
Relationships: Apollo & Meg McCaffrey, Apollo/Hyacinthus (Percy Jackson)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 175





	His Flowers

The quest was taking a while. With not much success and way too many injuries, Meg and her servant Apollo settled down on top of a roof. They didn't have much time, getting a nice place to stay was out of the question.

Even so, they needed their rest some way or another. The rooftop of a tall building would have to do.

Meg had not been able to sit still ever since they arrived. It's not that she wasn't tired, but the adrenaline wasn't going away any time soon. When you're a demigod dealing with the dumbest god that's yet to grace your presence, it's understandable to be on guard at all times.

The young demigod looked up after about ten minutes of looking at the cracks in the ground. Oh how she missed planting and Waystation, this building just reminded her how much she would rather be there.

Apollo sat on the ledge, letting his feet dangle just below. How the police haven't been called yet was a mystery, maybe the mist was altering that to the human eye as well.

The sun god stared at the sky, for what Meg did not know. The sun was setting now, but the stars weren't even out. And he's quiet. Fishy.

"Hey loser," she greeted as she took her seat beside him, careful not to stumble and fall or else maybe Boreas wasn't going to be so nice today.

"Hey," he muttered dully.

Meg frowned. Could he be disappointed that they haven't had so much success? Maybe he's just really tired? Maybe he-

Oh.

"When'd you get those?" She asked as she swung her legs back and forth.

Apollo looked down at her, "Get what?"

"Those," she pointed at his hands. The told held a purple flower tightly, as if protecting it from the monsters they will have to face.

Apollo moved slower than usual, if that was possible. His eyes shifted from Meg to the flowers in his hand. It finally clicked in his mind what she was referring to.

"Oh," he sighed. "Well, I just saw them," he held up one of the two flowers to the sky, as if inspecting it, "Decided to pick them."

Apollo usually didn't sound so lifeless, which was a concern to the young demigod. As much as she bullied him, a sad Apollo is a sad Meg.

"Hyacinth," she said pointedly.

Apollo gulped and put the flower down, staring at the city below instead. He bit his lip and blinked profusely. Meg knew what was wrong now, of course she did.

"You miss him."

The god did not answer her. Instead, he inspected the flower again, as if he hadn't been holding it the entire time. As if it was his first time seeing such petals. With how little he knows about them even though he created them, Meg wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't seen the flowers in hundreds of years.

He sighed, burying his face in his palms but not before carefully placing the flower in his lap. 

"Everyday."

Meg picked the flowers up, staring at them thoughtfully. How does she reply? I'm sorry he's dead. simply wouldn't help. She didn't even fully know the story. She settled for silence instead. He would say more if he wanted to, which he always did.

After the said moment of silence, Apollo finally looked up and inhaled harshly. The sleeves of his baby blue sweater were wet around the corners, his nose red.

Another tear dropped as he smiled bitterly, "He was beautiful."

Meg kept her silence, was he actually ready to talk about it? Before, he didn't want to even hear his past lover's name. If this was the time he'd finally speak, she wasn't going to be the one to ruin it.

"He shined, you know," Apollo grinned sadly at his friend, "The first time I saw him, he was near this beautiful fountain. He was washing up his face, he didn't see me as I watched behind him," he recalled as he sniffled.

"That's weird," Meg replied blankly

Apollo swatted his hand at her comment, "I did show myself! He finally noticed me and he was in a bit of shock." 

Meg put down the flowers. Overhead, the sky turned more and more red. She wondered if Apollo truly missed driving his chariot. It must be boring if it takes so long just to set the sun. Literally.

"He told me he couldn't believe I was standing in front of him. He thought he did something bad," he chuckled.

"In reality you just wanted a boyfriend."

"Hey, I wasn't even thinking that yet!" Apollo crossed his arms and huffed. "But the way he looked at me," he smiled softly. "And the way he carried himself so surely even in front of the presence of a god...You have to understand that to us gods, that's not always disrespect. That's-"

"Don't-"

"Hot."

"Gah!" Meg covered her ears as if in pain "You said it."

Apollo threw his hands up in defence of himself, "Sor-ry," he exaggerated, "Geez."

"Continue," Meg sighed and swung her leg over the ledge, so that she was sitting with her legs on either side.

Apollo grimaced, "I felt Eros's arrow. I didn't care, but I acknowledged it." 

"How'd it feel?"

His eyes softened like honey, "Just as fast as an arrow would hit you, but almost like instead of blood, petals seep out of you. I don't mean that in a romantic way," he licked his lips in thought. "It's like soft material floating out of you. Right, it felt like floating, like I had entered a land where you only see happiness."

A land with only happiness, that would mean delusion. You wouldn't see anything bad around you. You'd think you're living in a euphoria. Everything is so skewed, it can't be as good as it's described, can it? 

"I'd hate to feel that," she sniffed the Hyacinths.

Apollo sighed with a small grin, "It's bittersweet."

Up till now, Apollo hadn't been very serious. He was always making jokes, or being a complete idiot. Meg had to admit it felt weird everytime the god got serious. But, despite that, Meg wasn't a god. She wasn't Apollo. She couldn't imagine feeling so much pain for a loved one for hundreds, probably thousands of years. It must be hell, she concluded.

The wind picked up as nightfall came, the sun was almost gone. Meg wondered, who exactly was in charge of the chariot now? 

"I ignored my duties a lot," Apollo began again. "For him. He would miss out on his duties too. We would practice his fighting skills, sneak to fields and forests and more fountains. His parents never knew what was going on," he let out a laugh as he put the hood of his sweater over his head, playing with the drawstrings.

Meg snorted, skipping duties for each other? Parent's had no idea? Sneaking?

"Sounds like Romeo and Juliet."

"Ah," the god blushed "But it was so much longer than three days! And we were much cuter."

Meg rolled her eyes. Get a load of this guy.

"Go on," she insisted. Apollo had taken the flowers again and stared at them intently.

"So many liked him. So many people wanted him," he said bitterly before softening his tone, "But he chose me."

Meg raised an eyebrow, "You sound shocked."

The sun god wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. He was no longer crying like before, but his eyes were still teary. It must be hard if he's constantly getting stressed out thousands of years later, Meg simply couldn't wrap her head around that idea. Loving someone for so long, being a god wasn't worth it.

Apollo continued to stare at the Hyacinths, gently tracing the petals and stem.

"Shouldn't I be?"

"I mean," Meg replied, "Back then they saw gods as the best beings ever. And your ego is huge. And you definitely weren't shocked-"

Apollo threw his hands up again, "Okay! I get it," he sighed and pursed his lips, "I wasn't shocked back then, but I am now."

"Why?"

"Well," Apollo's eyes shifted frantically as if looking for an answer. 

"Just occurred to me that just because I'm a god doesn't mean I'll get everything I want, and that it's not a personality trait. Like, he liked me for me you know? Cause," he rambled, "Other gods wanted him but Hyacinthus chose me. I had such a huge ego back then I wasn't surprised, but thinking about it, I'm so lucky." 

"That's called character development, bro," Meg patted his shoulder in content.

"Hush," he whined. His cheeks reddened and he turned away from her. All that ego, bigger than mount olympus as a whole, and he got embarrassed over that? 

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay."

Apollo swung his legs over the ledge and faced away from the city below.

"I taught him what I could," he rested his elbows on his knees. "Archery, music, some healing, I even gifted him a chariot. I was named his best friend." 

Meg burst out laughing. 

"Friends? Friends? Apollo you're not being serious," she let out between fits of laughter.

"I know," the ex god laughed, "Idiots."

Meg's laughter died down to a giggle, "It was convenient though, right?" 

"Only a little. Unfortunately the gods knew."

She frowned, "Unfortunately?"

Apollo sighed. "We were playing once in this open field. I was teaching him to catch a discus," he gulped and looked at the sky. "I threw it. I threw it so far up. Zephyros decided to get his revenge."

"Revenge?"

"He liked hyacinthus too. He couldn't have him. So, he took his revenge out on me. Through him."

Meg's eyebrows furrowed, Hyacinthus was really popular, wasn't he? But if you love someone, why hurt them just to hurt someone they love. God's make no sense. Never did and never will, Meg was tired of them. Well, except Apollo but she would never admit such a thing.

"The discus was thrown back to the ground by Zephyros, it bounced, and it hit Hyacinthus in the head. It all happened so quickly." Another tear slid down his cheek as he recalled the worst day of his life.

His shoulders hunched as he leaned forward, trying to hide his face. Meg had felt loss before, she knew how hard it was. What she didn't know is that it could hurt for this long. The tears just dont stop.

"I held him in my arms," he wiped at his eyes. "There was no way, you know? No way he was actually dying. I fed him, a mortal, ambrosia. It didn't work. I used so much of my healing, it didn't work. Nothing was working," he exhaled shakingly.

"I couldn't take it. I begged to have my life taken too. I begged for both of us to pass. I begged for hyacinthus to stay with me," his breathing came out unevenly between his crying as he tried to hold it all back. The young demigod rubbed his back, concerned for her best friend. 

"I begged, and begged, and begged, and nothing. Nothing happened. He was still dead." Apollo's voice strained and he scrunched the fabric of his jeans in frustration.

"Apollo…" Meg's eyes burned. She hadn't ever seen him so distressed before. Was he going to do this every time? Make her feel his sadness everytime Hyacinthus was brought up? First the song, and now this. Geez, she felt horrible. Even with that song, She couldn't imagine how he truly felt. Just seeing it takes its effect on him was enough to upset her.

"I didn't want to live," he shook his head. "But I knew. I knew that wasn't possible. I wouldn't live in a world with him again," his voice cracked.

"Apollo.." A tear slid down Meg's cheek this time. Her glasses almost got knocked off as she went to wipe her tears so her friend wouldn't see. 

A god not wanting to live, that's not something she heard of often, if at all. She especially didn't expect it from Apollo, the god of ego's. How much does something have to hurt for a god to want to give up immortality forever?

"So I made him into a flower," he laughed bitterly. "I didn't let Hades take him. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I wanted Hyacinthus forever."

"And you still do," she pointed out.

The sun god nodded, "Always will."

His sobs calmed down, the sleeves of his sweater were even more wet than before. How much does he keep these emotions in exactly?

It couldn't be easy, telling someone you wished to die at any point in your life. It especially couldn't be easy keeping it inside all the time.

Apollo hopped down from the ledge and stared at the Hyacinth's with his back to meg.

The wind picked up again, pulling his hood off his head and messing up his curls. a chill was sent down Meg's back. A cold night, huh? They'd have to find a different place for warmth. As far as Meg was concerned, she'd rather die to a monster than to hypothermia.

"I ruined it."

Meg blinked, "What?"

He faced her and the look on his face was one Meg had seen before, but not to this extent. It was like guilt took the human form of Apollo, or, Lester.

"I ruined everything," his voice shook "I always do. Every death of my lover was because of me, the war, my sons."

Meg got off the ledge as well, staring at Apollo sadly as she did so. He had never looked so distraught to her before.

"Maybe if I didn't throw the discus," he laughed bitterly.

"Apollo," Meg warned.

"Maybe," he laughed more "If I just had not thrown it so far-"

"Shut up. Now," Meg said firmly. And he did, as he had to follow every command his master told.

The demigod's entire body shook as she clutched onto the sides of her green dress. 

She wasn't angry because she thought Apollo shouldn't be upset. She was angry because even thousands of years later, he blamed himself for it. He wasn't even the one to kill him.

"It's done now, right?" she reminded him. "You cant just...Blame yourself forever," she couldn't think of anything else to say. She was so angry that he thought it's his fault, but words couldn't explain how much she felt. Words were never her strong suit. Instead, she waited for Apollo's response.

Oh, right.

"Speak," she gave him permission.

He wiped his face, but the tears still flowed. Guilt was still etched on his face, although he had calmed down after she prevented his speech. Sometimes, not talking can help too.

He looked at her again, smiling sadly. The god nodded at his young friend, confirming he understood what she was saying no matter if he believed it or not.

"Two thousand years, I've loved him," he continued his story, not quite done ranting. She couldn't blame him for that either. 

"I loved him so much. I still do. I remember everything about him. Absolutely everything," Apollo walked back to the ledge, leaning against it this time. The wind blew away from his face now, drying his tears as it did.

"You remember what he looked like, right?" She decided to remind him of something other than his death.

"Of course," he answered confidently.

"So how'd he look?"

Apollo smiled sheepishly and replied, "Dark. Tall. Muscular. He had these beautiful long dreads that he tied half up-"

She made a beeping noise, the same as a false button would.

Apollo got startled, "W-what?"

"That's not what the history books showed," she crossed her arms and leaned backwards against the ledge. She remembered seeing Hyacinthus as a statue in a book once. She remembered exactly how he looked. She explained what she saw.

"Gah!" He threw his head back and cursed in Ancient Greek. "Those books are awful and I will burn them. I'm still angry," he gritted his teeth. "Why did they show him as a white man with curly brown hair? He wasn't white! And his hair wasn't light brown! And we were the same height except when I was 12 feet. How did they get it so wrong-"

"You know why."

Apollo gave her a sad look, "Yeah, I do," he sighed. "Just dont get why humans are this stupid."

Meg snorted, she could agree on that. Of course, humans believed every mortal the gods fell for had to be white. As if they didn't get to be in any part of the world they pleased. As if they didn't appear coloured too. People seriously thought only white people caught the attention of gods? Buffoonery. 

"He's probably angry," she snorted.

"Pfft, yeah. If they got my appearance so-"

"No, I meant at you."

Apollo choked.

"H-Hyacinthus? Mad at me?"

"Yeah."

"But," he raised his eyebrow. "Why?"

She tried her best not to laugh but ended up snorting, "You made a spartan prince with badass fighting skills into a soft purple flower."

Apollo seemed to take offense, "You don't get it! He loved purple. He loved flowers," he proclaimed in his defense.

"You sure he'd want you saying that?" she teased.

"I'll have you know, he is not fragile! Sure he was a stereotypically strong man and manned all the time but he was comfortable with every part of him," he said matter-of-factly.

"Ah, I see," Meg pushed her glasses closer to her nose. "He wasn't stupid."

"Nope. But yeah, he was so built, and so," he recalled dreamily, although Meg didn't want to hear him fawning now. She allowed it anyways. "He was so strong. Like those macho men. Since I'm a god, he couldn't be like me. But even to I, a god, he was impressive," he smiled.

She pretended to throw up but Apollo just continued.

"But, he was more than that. Softest man I'd ever known. He'd braid flowers into my hair sometimes. My, he was romantic." The son god rested his cheek on his palm and hummed.

They stayed silent for a while, just letting Apollo think of him a little more.

"You can find someone else," Meg reassured after about a minute of silence.

The god shook his head, still smiling.

"No, I can't. No one was able to replace him. I'm okay with that." He pushed himself off the ledge and walked a few steps away from it.

She frowned, "Really?"

"Yeah," he turned to her, "I simply will never stop loving him," he shrugged.

But, that means he just wouldn't stop loving him till the day he dies. Yet, Apollo couldn't die. Unless he dies as Lester, which, as long as Meg is around, it won't happen. But still, how would that do him any good, loving forever?

"How are you okay with that? You're a god, you won't die. You'll actually love him forever," she reminded.

He grinned.

"I know."

She frowned, "Even though it's painful?" 

"Even so."

**Author's Note:**

> really hope you enjoyed this I wrote this a couple months before the release of Tower Of Nero. I cant believe the series is done im MOURNING


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